Survival its all I can think of as I subject myself to yet another unknown. The dangers are real and the odds arent in my favour. With a deck stacked against me from childhood my very existence is to keep surviving. When I was 10yrs old my father commuted suicide. My mother and I found him 5days later in his apartment. Its a memory I’ll never forget the smell of rotten flesh and the look of a decomposing father. I was traumatized but I survived. Age 11 my virginty was taking by rape I was given the date rape drug my body my vocal cords all paralyzed yet awake and feeling the pain conciuos unable to scream was traumatizing yet I survive still. Becoming addicted to meth at 13 to cope doing crime to support my habit going to prison for the better part of my life institutionalized fighting for survival. 2007 pregnant in er for emergency c section baby is breach. Epidermal frozen from my next to my toes conscious of my surrounding mom holds my hand baby cries I feel warm mom I can feel u squeezing my hand. Flat line cardiac arrest coma loss of time darkness no control no idea no words rehabilitate survive. This is only a glimpse of the fight I have fought for survival and every day a new challenge I face to survive. I decided to change my life I stopped using meth started school and survive the everyday struggle to transition from streets to society. Through it all this is my fight for survival.
When you think of generation, what comes to mind? I think of generation its diverse complexity of new generation with old generation, the dynamics of a subject constantly growing to more complexity. Every generation brings more unrelentlesness. As this generation grows old the next generation grows more distant from the ethics , morals, values and traditions. As we push forward in time through generations our generation replacements become more unemotionally attached to their roots and become mechanical. The generations to come are that of undetatched unemotional self obsorbed individuals, raised by devises and television with no sense of real virtue just a need for self fulfillment and self satisfaction. What have we done to the generations this I ask you, ask yourself.
I go by two identities both of which are genuinely me. No other individual belongs to either ego. The real birth name is jamie but tori is my alter ego me but just the opposite of me. Tori who’s reckless and lives life like there will be no tommorow. Has a problem with authority is so open and outspoken and eludes complete sexuality with no shame. Jamie is tori but opposite kinda shy and self conscious always weighing all the options before taking that big leap. Assertive not obnoxious snobbish in a sense but not in an offensive way. Toris an escort and Jamie’s not a saint. This is toriskarma for the struggles really hard to change.