Part of me still loves you, part of me remains, what is left of hope, is slowly fading grey. I used to think you loved me, and i realized this today, you think your so above me, and you play my emotions with your ways.

What its like to love you, is like frostbite on a winters day, placed no one above you, and relentless you let it fade to grey.

No hope lies in a love so scorched, no future just a past, cause if this love was meant to, the foundation should of last.

Humiliation, shame, curses and the like, is all you ever gave to me, you didnt have no right. 

Lies and false representation, stories and made up scenarios, the truth is out and has been told. I know all your demons i met every last, i know that this love you pretend that you love will never end up, the end.

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Vivid ignorance

unvaried…
nihilistic anarchism-
conjecture
rejection
spun -ions-
her eye on
“Today’s
lesson is:”
Prescriptive-Naziism: 101
*Some exceptions
may apply..
*Some deceptions,
Form from lies..
prophet for profit
preexorcism
redemptive
sexorcism
forthwith~
purging
now-to loud-
-shoutout-
to the
silence
within
-carry on-…
no where..
aimless
left there..
alone..
far to gone
until…..
Oh great-vandals
bragging scandals-
Wearing sandals;
tell me how..
now..to
climb higher..
before I knew
who you were
you…
subliminal versed-
past tensed.
bygones-
tales of yore-
untangles
preterites,
wanes,
spans,
shackles angles-
ankles
mangled..
concealed..
newly healed..
barely lasted..
outcasted-
together?
almost..
not ever ,
only moments-
implored upon-
Backup saved..
coupons
loaded,
imploded-
then gloated..
what would a sexist
waiting for malignity think?
is ism a prison or prism
I’m reinventing-
revenging bitter,
roaming attics,
quasi-omni-tactics,
anti-avenging.
thrice flinching
Stenching: underwent…
(a*meth*amorphosis-)
acceptance is–
torment is–
dement is–
curses-compliments
& canvases…

Stupid and stupider
Cupid­čĆ╣dreamt..
once upon
a wake for cake
baked into
introduced
us?? who?
We us n u
the me n u..
pretending
befriending
then bending–
rolling,
weeds
weekends…
till,
weakened by demons..
heavenly heathens
driven from reason..
Un-even-breakevens,
incoherent disappearance
instance of dominance
displayof dissension
upended
mention retention..
this connection…
nothing but hits
shit..
correction..
reminds me of,
something..-
fictitious-
pretentious-
predicted
vindictive-
some
informally
randomly-selected
radio-active–prize-
I could win–
–and won!
*a moment with*..
you!
-don’t blink-
-blank eyes-
“why”..
can’t we
prevent this?!
the new update..
2 minutes away!
loading glitch!-
: wait-
fate!! late..
i state
recognize
the date.. delay
were here
in hours..
procures
obscure
Occorances

One lifetime..
lost stars
collided..
second hand
sex .
from lust,
love began…
spell cast:
gnomes sprinkled dust..
then trust..
thrust
thrushes
busts
cold steel
now
rust..

Madness
seems like-
sadness
unsure about sure..
my pleasure,
lost like treasure..
buried and sunk..
in hollowed veins basin
where rhythmic-beats-
stream-blood from
cavernous caves
carved deep
within
life’s undertow
dragon-deepen
dredged-tingles-
pumping-back-signals..
grey matter..
backup memories,
skins sensuality..
perfect pain-
sane but insane…
before..
the metaphors-
subtracted-extracted
parts of me,
oblivious,
stood face up-
-to a Door
I waited eternity
then waited some more..
knocked on wood…
was ignored..
no passcode
or key;
to aid
passage,
haste
advanced
chances
advantage..
from outside
I’m behind..
Ignoring all
signs
ringing of
bells
flashing of
lights
the smell
the misled
the strife
the price
conned
tempted
resented
and meant it
not mended
not fixed
just left
Ire
like iron
In it
acidic
shower
rampant till
without patience
extreme sacrilege
I declined to wait–>
sealed my fate
I spun out strayed-
Turned half away.
I should have just stayed–
Or turned another half way..
Strong with wit-
-and steadfastness-
confidently
fearless– stand..
the doorway looming massive.
over-not-over-over-It’s
over
llke bloodletting
needing and water-
I wander back..
want her back
I…..
to tired to think,
I drink- stumbling
stuck between,
pole and board
lean up to rest,
When I heard…
the Door..
–a-peep-a-creak–
I pushed in hard
the door jarred
light broke out..
There is she,
No more…

Vivid quixotic so he said.

He began a poem for some other woman, he continued to spend countless hours perfecting the intense emotion and relived every moment he spent with her. All the while he left me to become more of a depressed and neglected woman in love with a man who had no thought or care for my emotional well being. He spent every second with me thinking of her. Yet to still continue to tell me he loves me and wants to be with me regardless of what i say is unjust and unfair. I was in love with you and i loved you so much i allowed myself to be subject to so much rejection and humiliation that finnaly my feelings became numb. To you i owe these words to come for without you never was there a madness of insanity.

Survival is my name surviving is my struggle

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/survival/”>Survival&lt;

Survival its all I can think of as I subject myself to yet another unknown. The dangers are real and the odds arent in my favour. With a deck stacked against me from childhood my very existence is to keep surviving. When I was 10yrs old my father commuted suicide. My mother and I found him 5days later in his apartment. Its a memory I’ll never forget the smell of rotten flesh and the look of a decomposing father. I was traumatized but I survived. Age 11 my virginty was taking by rape I was given the date rape drug my body my vocal cords all paralyzed yet awake and feeling the pain conciuos unable to scream was traumatizing yet I survive still. Becoming addicted to meth at 13 to cope doing crime to support my habit going to prison for the better part of my life institutionalized fighting for survival. 2007 pregnant in er for emergency c section baby is breach. Epidermal frozen from my next to my toes conscious of my surrounding mom holds my hand baby cries I feel warm mom I can feel u squeezing my hand. Flat line cardiac arrest coma loss of time darkness no control no idea no words rehabilitate survive. This is only a glimpse of the fight I have fought for survival and every day a new challenge I face to survive. I decided to change my life I stopped using meth started school and survive the everyday struggle to transition from streets to society. Through it all this is my fight for survival.

Generation is

Generation

When you think of generation, what comes to mind? I think of generation its diverse complexity of new generation with old generation, the dynamics of a subject constantly growing to more complexity. Every generation brings more unrelentlesness. As this generation grows old the next generation grows more distant from the ethics , morals, values and traditions. As we push forward in time through generations our generation replacements become more unemotionally attached to their roots and become mechanical. The generations to come are that of undetatched unemotional self obsorbed individuals, raised by devises and television with no sense of real virtue just a need for self fulfillment and self satisfaction. What have we done to the generations this I ask you, ask yourself.

My alter ego and me

I go by two identities both of which are genuinely me. No other individual belongs to either ego. The real birth name is jamie but tori is my alter ego me but just the opposite of me. Tori who’s reckless and lives life like there will be no tommorow. Has a problem with authority is so open and outspoken and eludes complete sexuality with no shame. Jamie is tori but opposite kinda shy and self conscious always weighing all the options before taking that big leap. Assertive not obnoxious snobbish in a sense but not in an offensive way. Toris an escort and Jamie’s not a saint. This is toriskarma for the struggles really hard to change.